Teaching Tara: Part I: The kiss

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Teaching Tara: Part I: The kiss
I was still a virgin. I was 19, in my first year of College and had never even been on a date. I was terribly shy and studious and I got straight A’s in school. It’s not that I wasn’t pretty, but I lived with my ultra conservative father. He made sure that my curvy hips and rather generous breasts were hidden under over-sized shirts and conservative long skirts or pants. These clothes made me look dumpy compared to my classmates who wore tight fitting shirts and skirts which showed their attractiveness. I was ashamed at my lack of experience and my dowdy clothes.

I often overheard girls in my classes or at school talk about the guys they liked and had kissed/made out with. But, my inexperience was not widely known. Having never even gone on a date, I lived in shame and isolation; for fear that others would find out and make fun of it.

Spending time alone at the house was a common occurrence. My father was always working and rarely home. My mother having died when I was 3, life had been me and my dad ever since i could remember. To pass the time, I would study or read. I would also often go for walks in the neighborhood. Our neighbor Mr. Tanner was always nearby with a greeting, and I always knew I could go over if anything went wrong at home. He had a key to our house, and we had one to his, for safety and emergencies.

One day I returned home from school to discover I’d left my keys inside and was locked out. Not wanting to wait outside alone, I walked over to Mr Tanner’s house. I knocked at the kitchen side door and heard him reply “ Come on in, it’s open”. I walked in and found Mr Tanner leaning on the counter drinking a beer. He was a tall well built man, who worked as a construction worker, his arms filled out his t-shirt with barely an inch to spare, and his jeans were well worn. He had a strong body that I’d noticed women admire as he walked by. He was in his 50s and I’d never thought about him other than as a family friend. His wife had died nearly 10 years before and he’d never remarried, nor had I ever seen him with a girlfriend.

“How have you been Tara”? he asked

“Good Mr. Tanner, how about you?” I replied

“I’ve been good, long exhausting day. Have a seat Tara would you like a beer?, I know your dad might not like it but I think you’re old enough to decide for yourself.”

“Sure” I replied, uncertain as to how else to reply. He walked to the fridge and grabbed a beer and opened it for me. I took it from his hand and gingerly took a gulp. It was strong and tasted bitter and I must have made a face, because Mr Tanner chuckled and said “ you’ll get used to it in time”. I placed the bottle on the counter.

“What brings you here Tara?” he asked. “Oh, well I forgot my key, and was hoping you had the spare” I replied.

“I’m sorry Tara, I gave it to your dad a few weeks ago when he was locked out, and he didn’t return it, but stay a while until he gets home, you know you’re always welcome. You can do your homework if you like, or we can sit and watch some TV”. I sensed he was not interested in watching me study, so I said I’d watch some TV.

He guided me towards the den at the back of the house. It was a recent addition to the house and had no windows. It had a theater size screen, and a large corner sofa that filled half the room.
I walked in and sat on the sofa.

“Why are there no windows Mr. Tanner?”

“That’s so that I can watch movies and it will feel like being in a theater. I will not be disturbed by the neighbors either. They can’t see in and I can’t see them walk or drive by.” This made perfect sense to my young innocent mind.

I sat quietly a Mr. Tanner chose a TV news program to watch. My shyness made me uncomfortable and unsure of what to say to carry the conversation, which I knew Mr Tanner must be expecting.

Sensing my discomfort he asked “So how is life Tara, do you have a boyfriend yet?”

“Oh, no I don’t” I replied hesitantly.

“Why not? A pretty girl like you must have a lot of boys asking her out”

“Well no, they all know my dad wouldn’t let me go out with them and they don’t ask. Plus..” I stopped abruptly, embarrassed that I’d almost admitted my most embarrassing secret.

“Plus what?” He asked. Looking down I said “oh nothing”

“Tell me Tara, don’t be afraid, you can tell me anything” I hesitated a few seconds then quietly said “I’ve never had a date or a kiss Mr. Tanner. No boy would go out with me now.”

“Oh, Tara that’s not true. Kissing isn’t scary or difficult. It’s pleasurable and natural”.

“That’s easy for you to say Mr. Tanner. You’ve kissed before. What if I don’t do it right, then the boys will laugh at me”.

“They won’t laugh at you. If I was them I’d want to be the boy who got to show you how to kiss.” He said.

“You’re just saying that to be nice.” I replied in a low whisper, blushing at the thought.

“No I’m not Tara. I would love to kiss you. You have beautiful lips, I know what boys like. I was a boy once. Even a grown man like me would love to kiss those lips.”

His words went through me like lightening. I looked over at him, leaning back, his shirt taught across his hard chest as he took a swig of beer. Would a man like him kiss someone like me? He was much older and I’d never thought of older men, being so focused on my lack of experience with boys. If he kissed me and I wasn’t good at it, no one at school would ever know. I was scared at the thought that crossed my mind…all of a sudden and out of nowhere I whispered softly “would you?”

He leaned in toward me, very closely and said “would I what Tara?

“Would you show me how to kiss” I was scared and nervous at having actually said the words. He leaned over, slowly. I could smell the beer on his breath, and the sweat on his body..or was that my sweat? I was so nervous, uncertain what to do, I didn’t move. He wrapped his hand around the back of my head, brought me to him, and kissed me on the lips. Very softly..a few seconds” then I pulled away.

“Don’t pull away Tara. That’s just the beginning. Real kisses last longer…like this” and he kissed me again, holding me firmly. This time harder on the lips for what seemed like an eternity, but lasted only 10 seconds. This time when I pulled back he held me in place, and continued to kiss me. I could feel his tongue between my lips. He pulled back and whispered “open your mouth Tara. Boys like to French kiss, that’s when they put their tongue in your mouth, and you rub tongues, then put your in their mouths”. He then pulled my mouth to his and pushed his tongue in my mouth. I was scared at first, but soon relaxed into the feeling of his tongue in my mouth, licking the tip of mine then going in deeper. He pulled his tongue out and I followed, pushing my tongue in his mouth. The back and forth of this kiss lasted much longer, and I never knew that kissing could feel so good. I even felt a flutter of excitement down between my legs. Unsure of what all that meant, I pulled back abruptly. We can’t Mr Tanner. Please don’t tell my dad. He’d be furious.
“You are a great kisser Tara, you learn quickly. I will not tell anyone of this.” “Thank you Mr. Tanner, you are a good teacher”.

“Oh Tara, there are so many other things I could teach you. We’ve barely scratched the surface.” Surprised

I asked “Like what?”

“Oh. all sorts of things that boys will like. Different things that they will expect on dates. Things that will please them, and things that will please you. Things that girls your age have probably already experienced, but I’m sure you’ll learn somehow.”

He leaned back and took another drink of his beer.

Scared that once again, that I’d be found isolated and undesirable due to lack of experienced, I hesitated. Could Mr. Tanner teach me about boys? He already knew I had no experience, so I could not suffer any greater embarrassment with him. “Would you really teach me those things Mr. Tanner?” I whispered in a low voice. “Please”.

“Yes Tara. I will teach you everything. And I will never tell anyone, it would be our secret. But you will have to trust me, and listen to my direction. Everything I ask you to do will be for a reason that will become apparent in time. But I have to be sure you want this. Do you really want me to teach you Tara?”
“Yes” said my nerves tingling.

“Good, then head on home, I think your dad must be back by now. Come on back tomorrow after school and we can start your education.”

…to be continued

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