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My panty fetish- getting out of control
You know, the first 6-7 years of my fetish seem downright normal compared to some of the other things I’ve done as an offshoot of my fetish. Starting with puberty at age 12 I went wild. My fetish needed a means of expression, needed to be brought out in the open. My Mother’s insistence on ignoring it only made it want to come out in unexpected ways.
I began wearing her panties for longer periods, under my jeans to tease myself and I also began trying to consciously extend ‘playtime in panties’ by building up to a climax then stopping completely. This led to wearing slips and panties to bed and playing all night. Waking up horny, if I made it that far really led to some wild fantasies.
This is when I began seriously fantasizing about getting caught in Mom’s panties. I would look forward to sick days and, with Mom being a softy, any sort of mild cold or upset stomach could get me out of school, tho I didn’t really abuse this. What I did do, however, was turn a sick day into a complete day of panty fun.
I began wearing Mom’s panties to bed at 12, when I was in my old bedroom on Wood street. Waking up, I hated to take them off before school and began wearing them to breakfast under my pjs to extend the pleasure. Sitting across from Mom, aroused in her silky panties, proved to be a very erotic experience. I continued this for a couple of years. Of course, I thought I was being sly but with Mom fully knowing I wore her slips and panties to bed I’m sure she suspected what I was up to by swinging my legs back and forth as I sat at the table. I usually had a huge hard on and some wet spots in her panties as I got up to change for school.
I so wanted to innocently get caught, as I almost had when I was 9 and wrapped up with intoxicating panty lust that I never heard Mom coming home until the front door opened. However, this wasn’t going to happen for two reasons- one, I was much too self-conscious and afraid of being caught that I constantly listened for Mom ever since. Deep down, it would have been excruciatingly shameful to be caught in her underwear, much as I loved fantasizing about it. The second reason was that Mom was aware of my fetish and was doing her best to ignore it. She knew, from having two brothers before me, that we masturbate, especially at puberty so she was probably eager that I develop a healthy interest in girls.
I began scheming all sorts of ways to get caught- taking all of her panties out of her drawer and putting them into mine, taking a nap on her bed in a slip and panties and having her come home and walk in on me. I remember a few times being home sick or during the summer and taking advantage of Mom’s long phone calls by going into my old bedroom and playing with myself in her panties. I thought with her on the phone that was as tied up as she could possibly get and the only chance I would have to masturbate while she was home. It felt very risky and scary masturbating with her on the other side of the wall. I was afraid of her hanging up quickly and somehow walking in on me. As she was typically speaking to my Grandmother in Hungarian I never had any idea if the conversation was winding down or not. All I know is that I loved the additional risk and excitement of being naughty with Mom at home.
There are so many things that I have glossed over or not tried to think about but when I look at it, there they are, as real as the parts you like to focus on.
My fetish was getting out of control at this point and I lusted after panties and slips at all times. It just couldn’t wait until Mom was out of the house or til bedtime.
By this time I was 13 and sleeping in Mom’s bedroom (alone). My routine became faking sleeping late, which meant I got to play with myself under the covers in Mom’s lingerie. If I waited Mom out on Saturday morning I would watch her finally walk in to get fresh underwear from her drawer. She had to suspect that I was awake and watching her. I loved doing this because it was very exciting to see Mom go into her drawer and touch her underwear. It reminded me of all the 100s of times I, too, had walked up to that same drawer, pulled it open and reached down for panties, slips and bras. Seeing her handle her silky panties aroused me, tho I only could catch a brief glimpse.
After Mom went in to take her bath, aroused from all the play time, I would push myself out of bed, still wearing Mom’s slip and panties, and creep as silently as I could toward the bathroom door. This was a huge challenge, as we had wooden floors in our apartment. There were always a couple of spots that creaked, no matter what.
I have no idea what pulled me toward that door except it seemed very exciting and risky- and arousing. The thought of being just 6 feet away from Mom on the other side of the door, wearing her slip and panties was very titillating. It was a game for me- a fun and arousing game.
At 14 my friend, joking round, locked himself in our bathroom. In response, I tried, successfully, to pick the lock. In order to have picked it, I had to pull away the wooden molding strip that ran top to bottom so I could push back the release. I slyly observed that this created just enough of a gap that I could peek in and see just a small slice of the bathroom. After my friend had left I played with the molding so there was a gap that I could stand at and see in just a bit.
Afterward, I began having bizarre fantasies of picking the lock while Mom was bathing and ‘rescuing’ her panties and slip as if I couldn’t simply just wait a few minutes until after her bath to get them from the hamper! Somehow I had to prove how strong my need and love for them was- that I had to have them as soon as possible. It was as if her panties and slips had to be worn at all times and once she took them off I was compelled to put them on- NOW.
Now when I stood outside the door I began daring myself to break in and get her panties and slips. I could never be so bold as to do this but I began peeking under the door to glimpse her panties and slip on the floor. I contemplated getting a coat hanger to steal them from her as she sat just a couple feet away. I was getting out of control.
Mom’s panties and slips totally dominated my entire life. I thought about them all day long and wore them at home every change I could. I couldn’t wait for bed time and even got to the point where I would march, just like Mom, to her underwear drawer and pick out a fresh bra, slip and panty to put on after my bath. Several times I walked out of the bathroom, dressed in her slip, bra and panties and dart into my bedroom, which was right next to the bathroom. I loved having the chance of Mom spotting me in her undies!
For some reason, or maybe even no reason, when I snuck up to the bathroom door in Mom’s slip and panties I now found myself peeking in on her in the bathtub. I have no idea what made me do this but it felt strange- creepy even. Seeing her body wasn’t a turn on but I found the naughtiness exciting. Unfortunately, Mom must have caught on because she started taking showers, apparently to thwart my peeking in on her.
This made me feel very ashamed- especially because Mom would have clearly misunderstood what I was doing. Yes, I was peeking at her in the bathtub. I don’t have any defense. But this wasn’t part of my fetish. It’s not what I wanted Mom to know. I fantasized about her knowing I was wearing her underwear. I was more than ok with her being aware of this. However, having her catch on that I was peeking at her in the tub was an aberration, an anomaly, and certainly not something I wanted Mom to be aware of. I wasn’t even sure why I was peeking at her. It just seemed naughty, risky and exciting.
However, in bold response to Mom’s move to take showers I decided I would ‘get back at her’ somehow and that somehow involved her panties and slips. With Mom in the shower my schemes worked on taking advantage of that. Soon, I found myself on my knees with a coat hanger, fishing for panties and slips as Mom showered, the noise of the running water covering my attempts. Several times I got her panties, slips were much harder to get under the door. I can only image what Mom thought when she went to put her panties in the hamper and they were missing!
The bizarreness of the fantasy was breaking into the bathroom to steal Mom’s panties and slips. My compulsion for this sort of behavior was growing. It wasn’t just simply masturbating in her slips and panties. Now it was growing far beyond just wanting that electrifying shock of being caught. Puberty put my fetish into overdrive. I had easy access to Mom’s panties and slips. Why was it so important to do all of these unnecessary things? I was taking all of her panties out of her drawer and putting them in mine, challenging her to confront me. It was such a turn on! Of course, I always got so worked up I wound up masturbating before she came home and questioning my sanity for wanting to do such a thing. The idea of her coming home before I masturbated and then being ‘trapped’ with no way to return them thrilled me.
But now it was really getting out of control. It still wasn’t enough to wear her panties and slips to bed. My fantasies of being caught- and the things I did to act out this fantasy were gaining control over me. At 12 I was standing in my bedroom in a tshirt and her panties, hoping Mom would walk in on me. Having her do so a dozen times- and then refusing to talk to me- only fanned the flames. Sleeping in her bedroom (alone) and having complete access to her silky underwear didn’t satisfy me. What was driving me to do these crazy (crazier?) things?
I loved lying in bed in the morning, pretending I was still asleep and playing with myself for as long as I could take it. I especially loved those Saturday mornings when waited Mom out and forced to come in to get fresh underwear for her bath. But now I was crawling out of bed and spying on her in the bath! There was absolutely no enjoyment in seeing Mom naked. There was never any attraction her physically nor did I ever have any ideas of her involving herself in my masturbating. It was the thrill of doing something naughty- something taboo.
The whole ritual of crawling out of bed silently then trying my best to creep across the wooden floor a few feet to the bathroom door excited me so much. I know she heard me because she started taking showers. This only fueled my fetish. What drove me to sneaking her panties with a coat hanger? All I had to do was wait for her to finish her bath and get her panties out of the hamper if I wished. And I had no interest in her dirty panties anyway. I had full access to her clean panties but the whole idea of doing something naughty- stealing her panties and challenging her to confront me was the point of all of this. My urges were out of control and I could not control the ways that they expressed themselves.
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